Did you know there is a little girl deep inside you who needs to be acknowledged, loved and supported? Or had you just forgotten about her??
As mothers, we often become so absorbed by the overwhelming job of raising “happy, confident children” that we forget our own ‘inner child’ needing our attention and who is often screaming for us to hear her voice.
I remember very clearly the first time I was introduced to that little girl inside of me. It was during a session at The Golden Door with a beautiful intuitive healer named Ananda. This ‘little girl’ was initially introduced to me as a stranger but she was oddly familiar.
As I was gently guided though a process of talking with her and then noticing how she was feeling, I began to slowly recognise her as the younger me. But it was in a whole new light. She was scared, innocent AND beautiful and she just wanted to be loved. As I felt this, I wrapped my arms around her, holding her and allowing her to feel safe, secure and loved. Which she did for the first time in a very long while..
It felt very foreign and on reflection now, how could it not have been. I was so disconnected from her that I wasn’t even aware she existed! But something shifted during our time together. I felt how scared she was but also how comforted she became as we sat together and when she recognised I was there for her. She needed me to ‘look after’ her, to love her, comfort her (as only I could) and not ever forget about her again.
So upon arriving home, I sought out an old photo of that little girl and popped it on the mantle in my bedroom – a place where I wouldn’t forget about her. It became a wonderful reminder to check in with how she was regularly and an opportunity to see how I had been speaking to her (how that critical voice had been behaving!). It was much easier to show that 8-year-old compassion than me as a grown adult.
This awakening was almost 7 years ago now. During this time I have unravelled and untangled many of the stories and limiting beliefs (and I continue to do as a conscious choice) that found me so disconnected from her. I have spent more and more time nurturing her and less time criticising and speaking unkindly to her.
However, I see now as my children are getting a little older (10, 10 and 7) and I have more space to reflect, that unless I continue to do the “inner work” and continue to become more loving, more compassionate, kinder and more gentle in my words, language and actions towards me (that little girl), I cannot expect my boys to love and accept themselves and authentically express who they have come here to be!
What I now know deep within me is this.
- If I can show myself more compassion when I notice fear coming up, I will be more compassionate towards my boys when they are experiencing fear, however that may be expressed.
- If my inner dialogue is kinder and more loving, that will then be reflected in the way I relate and speak to my kids.
- If I can acknowledge my ‘shadow side’ (the suffering which is part of the human experience) more and more, my boys will be better able to accept that part of them and not push it away. Yes! Yes! Yes!
- If I can physically soothe that little girl through a gentle hug or a hand on my heart, I will be demonstrating how they can soothe themselves rather than searching for something external like drugs or alcohol?
By choosing to nurture and parent my inner child, I am not suggesting my boys will grow up to be ‘X’ (X being perfectly happy, well rounded adults). There is no formula to “get it right”! And each of us has our own soul contract (I believe).
However, I wholeheartedly believe that my job is to be a more and more loving parent to me first as this will then be reflected in how I show up as a mother to Thomas, Harry and Charlie.
So what are some of the signs that you may not be looking after that little girl inside you? And what are some of the ways you can begin to shift this?
Physical pain or illness is the body’s cry for you to have a conversation with yourself. Acknowledge the pain or illness and then ask yourself, “If this pain was trying to tell me something, what would it be?”
When you notice your heart racing, shallow breathing or another symptom of anxiety, give yourself a hug. All mammals respond to a warm soothing touch. Then say to that younger you, “I can see that you’re scared. I’m here for you. You’re not alone”. Comfort and soothe yourself, just as you would one of your children.
Feelings of impatience, frustration and/or overwhelm
As mothers, we often spend our lives looking after the needs of everyone else but not our own. Becoming impatient, frustrated and overwhelmed can often mean you are not prioritising your needs and supporting you. When you recognise this happening, ask your inner child “How can I support you? What do you need right now?” And then do it!
As mothers, we may feel resentment towards partners (or others) who appear to be ‘doing’ less than we are. One of the most common challenges as a mother is not needing or trying to do it all. This can be tricky due to our programming as well as the way women are viewed (in general). That’s where EFT comes in (check it out if you haven’t).
However, when you notice resentful feelings surfacing, acknowledge them. Once you allow yourself to feel it, you can then ask, “Why am I feeling this resentment? What am I not giving me?”
As with everything we write about, we hope that by sharing what is allowing us to continue connecting back to our true selves, that you will too! xx